DAVOS, CH – In a heartbreaking presentation ahead of the World Economic Forum, Oxfam revealed that the wealthiest 1% of humans on the globe will only have control of 1/2 of the world’s wealth.
This is devastating news to people like David Rockefeller, who was planning on purchasing a second private tropical island to be buried on, with a 24 karat solid gold headstone and flock of young debutantes to sing his praises . Thanks to the greediness of the lower 99%, he will have to wait a few months for that, and by then it may be too late.
Or people like Martin Shkreli, who earns an honest living by price gouging HIV/AIDS drugs. Since purchasing the only existing copy of Once Upon a Time in Shaolin, Martin has been planning on purchasing the entire Wu-Tang Clan and keeping them tied up in his basement. But according to Oxfam, he’ll have to wait a year or so before he can.
Or the Bush family, who was hoping to buy approval ratings from the American public.
Next time you hear spoiled poor people whining about income and wealth inequality, please consider the plight of these forgotten people.