WASHINGTON, DC – As if his recent recuse were not enough for him to be going through, Attorney General Jeff Sessions has been caught red-handed shooting dope into his genitalia.
Sessions says he developed an addiction to the opiate after accidentally inhaling marijuana smoke from a passerby while on vacation in California.
“It’s a slippery slope. I smelled the marijuana cigarette the boys were smoking, and it felt so good that I needed to shoot up H just to get that same feeling. Eventually, all my arm and leg veins were shot, so I had to use the shaft vein, which was tough because it was so small. If I don’t beat this demon soon, I’ll have to move from the shaft to the beanbag, which is long enough to allow for injections for a very long time”
However, this is not all bad news. For now that Sessions is a junkie, he is more qualified to be in the Trump cabinet for narcotic sentencing.
Sessions’ crime has been handled by Attorney General Jeff Sessions, who has excused him from a jail sentence.