Opium poppy seeping opium sap

Opium Poppy Sad Its Tears Are Illegal

February 22, 2017

GOSTAN VALLEY, AF – Earlier this week, Polly the Opium Poppy was crying sappy tears about how she couldn’t immigrate to America because the opium in her tears are a controlled substance. “I can’t help it that […]

a lot of Brussels sprouts and nothing else

Research Suggests Brussels Sprouts Still Gross

February 15, 2017

BRUSSELS, BE – New research findings from Katholieke Universiteit Leuven suggest that Brussels Sprouts are still gross. The data also shows an inverse correlation between number of Brussels sprouts served for dinner and number of friends […]

Credit card being placed into a Macbook
Science & Tech

Macbook Pro 2017 to Have Chip Reader as Only Input

February 1, 2017

CUPERTINO, CA – The controversial decision to remove everything useful on the 2016 Macbook Pro has continued with the 2017 update. Leaked documents by an Apple insider appear to show that the next Macbook will ditch […]