Money

Waffle House Open During Nuclear War

June 26, 2017

NORTH CAROLINA – The 24-hour breakfast food chain Waffle House has decided not to close its doors during the latest nuclear war between Russia and the United States. When asked about the controversial decision, restaurant manager Wally […]

Science & Tech

Earth Quarantined from Rest of Universe

June 22, 2017

MILKY WAY GALAXY – In a unanimous decision among the other planets, Earth will be placed in isolation from the rest of the Solar System. “Earth has had an infestation problem the last two-and-a-half million […]

Opium poppy seeping opium sap
World

Opium Poppy Sad Its Tears Are Illegal

February 22, 2017

GOSTAN VALLEY, AF – Earlier this week, Polly the Opium Poppy was crying sappy tears about how she couldn’t immigrate to America because the opium in her tears are a controlled substance. “I can’t help it that […]

a lot of Brussels sprouts and nothing else
Health

Research Suggests Brussels Sprouts Still Gross

February 15, 2017

BRUSSELS, BE – New research findings from Katholieke Universiteit Leuven suggest that Brussels Sprouts are still gross. The data also shows an inverse correlation between number of Brussels sprouts served for dinner and number of friends […]

Credit card being placed into a Macbook
Science & Tech

Macbook Pro 2017 to Have Chip Reader as Only Input

February 1, 2017

CUPERTINO, CA – The controversial decision to remove everything useful on the 2016 Macbook Pro has continued with the 2017 update. Leaked documents by an Apple insider appear to show that the next Macbook will ditch […]

brown, white, and dark grey cat outside on a wooden railing
Local

Cat Unimpressed With New Dry Food

January 18, 2017

PORTLAND, OR – On the morning of January 18, 2017, Graham Cracker the cat rose from his slumber and did his usual morning walk to the food bowl. However, this was anything but a normal morning […]

Randomly Selected

  • MILKY WAY GALAXY – In a unanimous decision among the other planets, Earth will be placed in isolation from the rest of the Solar System. “Earth has had an infestation problem the last two-and-a-half million [...]
  • Man in light blue shirt sitting outside looking at an iPad
    SILVERLAKE, CA – A man by the name of Alex Clapper has written an awe-inspiring post on his Facebook wall about how people are addicted to the internet and need to focus on the important things in [...]
  • brown, white, and dark grey cat outside on a wooden railing
    PORTLAND, OR – On the morning of January 18, 2017, Graham Cracker the cat rose from his slumber and did his usual morning walk to the food bowl. However, this was anything but a normal morning [...]
  • OMAHA, NE – In an unexpected and unfortunate turn of events, the veterinarians from Greenwood Vet Clinic were confronted with a very ill patient at their annual BBQ. Lead Veterinarian Sally Canole commented, saying “right after I [...]
  • Credit card being placed into a Macbook
    CUPERTINO, CA – The controversial decision to remove everything useful on the 2016 Macbook Pro has continued with the 2017 update. Leaked documents by an Apple insider appear to show that the next Macbook will ditch [...]
  • NORTH CAROLINA – The 24-hour breakfast food chain Waffle House has decided not to close its doors during the latest nuclear war between Russia and the United States. When asked about the controversial decision, restaurant manager Wally [...]
  • A picture of a Happy Meal and some stickers with anthropomorphic McDonald's food items
    CAMBRIDGE, MA – Researchers at Harvard University have concluded that the toy included in a McDonald’s Happy Meal is the most nutritionally dense part of the meal. Christopher Tracy, one of the study conductors, gives [...]
  • a lot of Brussels sprouts and nothing else
    BRUSSELS, BE – New research findings from Katholieke Universiteit Leuven suggest that Brussels Sprouts are still gross. The data also shows an inverse correlation between number of Brussels sprouts served for dinner and number of friends [...]
  • Picture of Bernie Sanders on library computer browsing the free section on Craigslist
    BURLINGTON, VT – On a trip to check out The Maple Syrup Museum, Vermontian Mariah Bennington was unexpectedly struck with disbelief when she found her Senator on the library computer, grazing over a list of the foolishly discarded [...]
  • Math professor standing in front of car loaded with watermelons
    ABBEVILLE, LA – Early Monday morning, 3rd grade math teacher Patrick McCooley loaded up his car with 71 watermelons. “I was writing a word problem for an upcoming test, so I had to buy these to double check my [...]
  • Opium poppy seeping opium sap
    GOSTAN VALLEY, AF – Earlier this week, Polly the Opium Poppy was crying sappy tears about how she couldn’t immigrate to America because the opium in her tears are a controlled substance. “I can’t help it that [...]
  • Picture of Donald Trump at a podium with one hand up and the other hand on The Art of the Deal.
    WASHINGTON DC – In another challenging of the political status quo, Donald Trump has decided to ditch the Bible and instead swear into office with a copy of his book “The Art of the Deal”. [...]